For fourteen years I worked in HR at a transit authority. A thousand employees, five unions, and a pattern I never solved from the office.
We’d spend six weeks training a new driver. Then, in week eight or nine, they’d leave. I’d read the exit form, and it would say what exit forms always say: a better opportunity, personal reasons, a shorter commute. A few weeks later, on a break, someone else would tell me the real reason. New drivers get the split shifts and the Saturdays. Nobody had hidden that. It came up in the interview. But nobody had told them in a way they believed, and nobody had asked the drivers who stayed.
Here’s what I learned from that. The people on your floor already know why their coworkers leave. They talk about it in the break room, in the parking lot, in the group chat. The information is there. It just never reaches you.
It’s not because they don’t care, and it’s not because they’re difficult. It’s because telling you costs them something, and in their experience it has never paid off.
Think about it from where they stand. You might be the reason. Or you know the person who is. You do their schedule, their reviews, their overtime. Even if you’d never hold it against them, they don’t know that. So they give you the safe answer. They tell you everything’s fine, or they tell you nothing.
“A three tells you nothing, and that’s the point.”Joe Kim
Try it
Why: Most of us start talking again about three seconds into a silence, and that's usually right before the real answer.
How: Press start, imagine you've just asked someone what wears on them most, and stay quiet until it ends.
This is a pause, not a countdown to your next question. Imagine the other person is still thinking.
The ten-second silence
What this means: That's how long it feels. The real answer usually comes right about now. Try it once this week, for real.
Make it safe to answer
And surveys don’t fix it. Ask someone on a fifteen-minute break to rate their supervisor from one to five, and you’ll get a three. A three tells you nothing, and that’s the point.
The last reason is the one that does the most damage. Most people have spoken up before. They said something, nothing happened, and nobody ever came back to them about it. After that, why would they try again?
So the first job isn’t asking better questions. It’s making it safe to answer, and then proving that answering does something.
That’s slow. It’s built one conversation at a time. But I’ve watched it work. People who had every reason to keep quiet started telling me the truth, because I wasn’t there to fight them, I didn’t write their names down, and every so often I came back with something that had actually changed.
Joe Kim
One thing to do this week
Ask one person on your crew a real question, something like “What’s the part of this job that wears on you most?”, then stop talking. Wait ten full seconds after their first answer before you say anything. The first answer is usually the polite one. The real one tends to come after the silence.
Practice
You’ll talk with a driver who gives you the polite answer. Your goal is to get to the real one without pushing, promising anything, or asking who else feels that way.
What you’ll do: You'll talk with a driver who gives you the polite answer. Try to get to the real one without pushing.
Try it with a real conversation
Why: Trying the words here makes them easier to say at work.
How: Start practice, read the other person’s opening, then reply; choose “I’m done — get feedback” when you’re ready.
Heardby doesn’t save your practice. The AI service handles replies the same way it handles interviews; see the Privacy Policy.
- The situation
- You supervise drivers at a bus depot. A driver who joined three months ago is on break. You ask how things are going.
- Who you're talking to
- the driver (AI)
- Your goal
- get past the polite answer to the real one, without pushing, promising anything, or asking who else feels that way.
- How to start
- ask one real question, then let them talk.
Make up any details you need. The other person won't invent facts for you. When you've said what you need to, usually after 4 to 6 replies, tap I'm done for feedback.
Checking practice access…