At the transit authority, HR and the unions sat across the table from each other more often than beside it. Cordial in the hallway, adversarial at the table, especially when contracts were up or a grievance was moving. A lot of managers assume that’s just how it is.
I don’t think it has to be.
Most of the union presidents I worked with had been drivers themselves. They’d done the split shifts and the Saturdays. They knew things about the job that nobody in our office had ever had to learn, because we’d never had to live it. When they came in frustrated, they were usually right about something, even when I couldn’t give them what they were asking for.
I spent time with them one-on-one, long before anything was at stake. Not to win anything, and not to get around anyone. I was careful about what I said; I worked for management, and they knew that. But I listened, I didn’t pretend, and I tried to understand where they were coming from. And where they were coming from was usually a good place: they wanted the drivers to be treated fairly and to stay.
“I don’t think it has to be.”Joe Kim
Try it
Why: How the first minute goes decides whether this becomes a conversation or a grievance.
How: Choose what you'd say at each step; Joe reacts to each choice.
This exercise uses a fictional start-time notice that missed nights. You play the supervisor; Joe’s reactions are written feedback, not a live conversation. The practice below uses a separate overtime-notice situation.
The steward walks in
Conversation 1 of 3
The steward walks in: “The crew’s frustrated. They say nobody told them the start time was changing.”
What this means: Before there's a problem, have one conversation with your steward this week that isn't about one.
Start beside the table
That trust is why I ended up in contract negotiations as a benefits specialist. The union presidents asked for me. It’s also why those negotiations went easier than they might have. When the people across the table believe you, you spend less time posturing and more time on what’s possible.
Here’s what I’d tell any supervisor or HR manager with a union on the floor:
The steward wants what you want more often than you think: a crew that shows up, does good work and stays. Start from that.
Talk before there’s a problem. If the only time you speak to the steward is during a grievance, every conversation is a fight.
Don’t go around them. Going straight to the crew on something that belongs at the table breaks trust with everyone, and on a union floor it can break the law too. When in doubt, bring the steward in first.
Share what you can, when you can. Surprises are what turn a disagreement into a grievance.
None of this means agreeing to everything. You’ll still disagree, sometimes hard. But disagreeing with someone who trusts you is a different conversation from fighting someone who doesn’t.
Joe Kim
One thing to do this week
Have one conversation with your steward that isn’t about a problem. Ask what they’re hearing from the crew, and listen.
Practice
A steward comes to you frustrated about something on the floor you didn’t know was happening. Listen first, don’t get defensive, and agree on one next step together.
What you’ll do: You'll talk with a steward who wasn't told about an overtime notice. Listen first and agree on a next step together.
Try it with a real conversation
Why: Trying the words here makes them easier to say at work.
How: Start practice, read the other person’s opening, then reply; choose “I’m done — get feedback” when you’re ready.
Heardby doesn’t save your practice. The AI service handles replies the same way it handles interviews; see the Privacy Policy.
- The situation
- The union steward walks into your office upset. The crew learned about a change to the overtime rotation from a posted notice, and nobody told the union first. You didn't know the notice went up.
- Who you're talking to
- the steward (AI).
- Your goal
- listen first, don't get defensive, and agree on one next step together.
- How to start
- greet them and ask what happened.
Make up any details you need. The other person won't invent facts for you. When you've said what you need to, usually after 4 to 6 replies, tap I'm done for feedback.
Checking practice access…
If you want to hear from your own crew this way, your first round is free.